Shoulds and Shoulders

I have been noticing that my shoulders are super stiff. Sometimes I take the time to relax them, and a moment later they go right back up to the defensive position. I feel as though I have rods inside, holding up my arms because the shoulders are cut off.

My shoulders are unfeeling. They may not make the mistake of feeling and possibly tripping up.  An analogy would be – an oil jug that is plugged and sealed. It is impossible to reach the oil unless you either open the seal or crack open the jug. In my case, my shoulders are tightly closed. I have tried to pry open the cover so I can reach its contents. My shoulders are angry. They are full of shoulds and musts.I may have to crack the jug open to find out what’s there.

At times I feel that my shoulders are holding up my body for no good reason. My body is fine lying down for good and giving up the fight. This has been a long journey and no peace, my friend, no peace.

Smart people use what there is to find their way around. And I get stuck  in the here and the now. It’s dark, so it’s dark.  I stay put and wait for a savior. That’s all I can do. I would wait til forever for someone else to put the lights on.

My hurt and pain is so great. My safest course of action is to stay put.

Perhaps I can examine this go-to reaction of staying put and see if I can do better.

In some areas of my life, I love spontaneity. I constantly change the menu and the schedule.  I love when things change, like the seasons. It shouldn’t be so difficult for me to get used to

a change of thinking

a change of attitude

a change of maneuvers.

Are my life anchors in danger of being displaced?  Perhaps I am just rusty and conditioned to this position? Do I need to defend my position as though my life depends on it – as the Japanese holdouts who never were aware that their country surrendered ending WWII and insisted on defending the Emperor to death?

Hmmm… sounds like it.

I can tell my inner child that it’s safe to come out. No one is looking for her. Her country surrendered. The game of hide and seek is over.

I can explore with her other options to hiding and biting. We can be seen. in public,  with clothes on and our hair brushed, with our cellphone and car. We can explore all possibilities. We can allow ourselves to be guided. We can use our intuition. No one is forcing us into any corner. We are finally free.


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