Looking for the Good

I have been asked to think about what my BP husband DOES have to offer.

There are certain things that he is consistent with and I can count on him for. Another thing about him is that he has good intentions. Borderline Personality Disorder affects him in the relationship. But it does not take away from his basic good heart. His insecurities are not his innate and intrinsic personality.

It’s hard for me to break it down this way because in the end, it’s a marriage to this ONE person who is relating to me in a manner that is extreme and self-centered. I know it’s coming from insecurity but I have feelings and am just a human being.

I am trying out a new way of looking at the marriage.

What can I do? I can not expect my BP husband to fulfill certain aspects of what a typical marriage relationship does. Even just getting heard and some attention is something I can not expect in this marriage. I can say to myself that this marriage is about what I have to offer to HIM and how I can help HIM. I can fulfill my need for emotional validation and feedback from a few trusted support people.

I am learning what is there and what isn’t there. This is a process.

Thanks for listening!

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5 thoughts on “Looking for the Good”

  1. For me this is heartbreaking to read. I really feel for you. Although I have BPD I can’t imagine what it is like for the people who love us. You sound so supportive and understanding but please don’t forget to look after you. It’s not okay to be self centred with or without BPD (sorry if that’s not fair me for to say) I recently split from my ex of 10 years. I am incredibly affectionate and he is not. He would barely even register my existence and I found that so hard.
    I really wish you love and happiness xx

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    1. thanks for your validation. I am trying to find my place in this world as it relates to others including my husband. and I am not ready to quit yet. keep up your good work – be blessed!

      Like

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