So, a still small voice inside of me had this to say: “Stop giving HP the silent treatment!”
HP – Higher Power or God… Sure I’ve been giving Him the silent treatment. Who wouldn’t if they were in my place? I dropped Him out of my life since the day I married my BP husband, although it was not done consciously. I always told myself that when my life calms down, I’d have time to meditate or pray or get in touch with my spirit. In the meantime, I would just try to survive.
It’s been 20 years of surviving. This is NOT what I HAD IN MIND!!!
I am not waiting anymore. I am done hinging my joy and peace on my BP husband’s sense of self. It won’t work for me. If I stay in this marriage, it’s for the work I have to do with myself. It’s to change aspects of me that need changing and recovery. And it’s NOT to save the world, save my husband or to smash myself into a million pieces in the hope that it will make everyone happy.
Perhaps I can find a place for HP in all this. After all, I believe it may have been HP who had me walk this course. And the benefit of this walk will be revealed.