Validating the Borderline

Sometimes my BP husband can just go on and on and on and on and on…  Man, is that grating on the nerves. And it’s not sometimes that he does it. That would be putting it mildly. If I am in the same room as him, and I seem open and available (and even if I don’t seem that way but my body is just right there) then it’s venting time for him.

Today my husband vented big time every time I saw him. It’s Sunday and I was home today. So that makes it a lot of times.

The old Sarah would be biting her tongue, holding her breath and making a dash for it – just running away and staying far, far away until he would leave. And now, this new Sarah I am getting to know (me!) has learned to QTIP  – Quit Taking It Personally. She also doesn’t care what he says so much. It’s the same old, same old. I have learned that he is feeling uck and he feels better after he vents. So if I can handle that, then so be it. AS LONG AS HE IS NOT VENTING ABOUT ME!!!

Today he even thanked me for listening! Now THAT was a first!

Here are some phrases that non-BP’s use when listening to their BP partners.

I’ll bet that’s hard.
I’ll bet that was difficult.
I never thought of that.
I wonder . . .
I’m curious to know more about . . .
I’m happy for you.
I’m intrigued by . . .
It would help me understand if you’d give me an example of . . . .
Let me see if I understand . . . .
Oh, my goodness.
Oh no! I know how much that meant to you.
So, in other words . . . .
Tell me more.
Tell me what you mean when you say . . . .
That’s a tough spot to be in.
That’s interesting.
That’s painful.
What an awkward situation to be in.
What I’m hearing is . . .

Being married to a Borderline Personality is a learning experience.

I didn’t ask for it.

I just got it.

I’ll see what I can do with it.



4 thoughts on “Validating the Borderline”

  1. Hey there. I like your list of phrases. I’ve had a relationship with a person with bpd and am myself diagnosed with it. I feel your phrases make up about 60 % of the two year relationship communication that we were lucky to manage to stay around for.

    I just started to read blogs on the topic and it’s nice to read some real life stuff from affected people, instead of all the “professional” insights. Thanks!


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