My counselor told me the other day that the main thing I have to work on now is to use visualization to imagine a better life with my husband. I really have to decide -If I want a future with him, I need to visualize a future with him. Otherwise, I need to start visualizing a future without him.
For me, keeping my family intact is a very high value. I believe that divorce will terribly impact the children. I know that in a marriage of 20 years, what is one or two more years of transition time as we both learn who we are, what we need and how we differ? Differentiation is an important and integral part of marriage. The tangles of codependency need to unravel. I need to learn that I am a great human being by virtue of being a human being. And my Borderline Personality husband needs to learn that he can manage full well without using me as his personal secretary, bookkeeper, accountant, and mistress. From a safe place, we can recover our true personalities and feelings and reconnect in a more mature and positive way.
I can write some blog posts called Note to Future Self. There are many parts of my life that I can visualize into a better future. It will be a challenge. It might be fun. I will try.