Admitting Powerfulness

In 12 step programs we admit to powerlessness but sometimes it is necessary to admit to being powerful. What do I mean?

I am a powerful human being. My actions and words have effects on others and the world. What I do is indeed important. Whether or not I believe that I am important is not important because at the end of the day, if I hurt or help someone – I get the credit or the blame. I must take responsibility.

Tonight I felt the impact of my powerfulness as I was once again reminded that I am real. I have a tendency to go “invisible” in social situations. I lose sight of myself – I feel that I don’t count, that no one will notice whether or not I attended a party, made the call or the visit. I very easily sign out of life thinking that it won’t make much of a difference.

Well, well – I was in for a surprise! I was the recipient of a cold shoulder and frozen eyes from the hostess of a wedding I attended. I did not think she would care either way whether or not I attended the entire party or whether or not I called her to congratulate her on the engagement. I had been wrapped up in my sorrows these past few months and did not want to come out of my bubble. I just wanted to come to part of the wedding and share her joy and dance with her. But she was not satisfied with that. Obviously, something about my behavior had bothered her and she made it known to me.

I actually didn’t know that I was in her picture. I had always felt invisible in her story but I guess that I am not. My feeling invisible does not make me invisible. It does not exonerate me from keeping up social duties and attending functions.

This is the second time I was hit with the impact of my powerfulness. It is good to get a reminder once in a while that I must be careful with my behavior. My therapist has been trying to tell me for a while now that I am more powerful than I think. I have to embrace my power, not be afraid of it and allow myself to shine in a way that increases joy and connection.


God, please open for me the door

show me what’s in store

heal for me my soul

pull me back into the whole

shine for me the light

so that I can learn

that it is not night

where my longing lies

it is in the brightness of the sun

the forgiving and giving

in the platitude of simplicity

that I am utterly

and solely

alive.

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