I have given thought recently to the lack of formal prayer in my life. As a religious person AND a spiritual person, I speak to God many times during the day. However, one thing that has confused me is that no matter what, I cannot bring myself to get any scripted prayers out of my mouth. It is very, very difficult. I go blank and I freeze.
I know that once I start, I do actually enjoy it and I feel very connected to God. The problem I have is with starting.
In therapy, I explored possible reasons for my not being able to pray. I know that my schooling and my childhood did not help me in this matter at all. Very religious people can sometimes skew religion and prayer to keep people far away from God. I definitely experienced this in my past.
However, more than that, I was asked to think about what stops me from allowing myself to enjoy life. I did not understand what this had to do with prayer. My therapist explained that I enjoy the prayers very much – I feel high and in a state of loving union with God when praying. It is apparent that I do not allow myself to get into this space for some reason.
I need to think about this some more. I will ask God to show me the next right step towards finding the space in me that allows me to connect to God in prayer. I know my life will be significantly better once I do that.