Marriage, BPD and Me

My man is in Oz again. He hasn’t been decent for a couple of weeks now. I don’t know how to handle it. I am sad. I think the trigger is money now but before it was his bi-polar brother. He is again at it with accusing me of control – and it’s only a matter of time before he will throw the money bomb at me.

My son called him out on a flaw of his on Friday night. That set off a steam (and a stream) of insults and blaming. What my husband did was wrong and he does it all the time – space out in middle of me talking, interrupt me before I get the words out, walk off on me in middle of me talking and this time it was that he responded to me after I called his name but instead of waiting to hear what I had to say, he just started talking about an unrelated topic – as if I did not say a word and was not about to talk.

He does that. I know it’s part of his BPD. I choose to put my foot down about other flaws of his. But my son was disturbed about the way my husband disregarded me and he spoke up. All he said was “You realize Ma just called your name and you said Yes and then you went on to talk about something else.”

Last night in bed he started his rant about how he will look for a new life, and a way to get free from me and his wife and family will respect him. Instead of just being quiet or asking him not to speak that way, I told him that if he starts again he will have the same problems with someone else. He is not going for help or facing his problems and emotions. “I have been in therapy for almost three years, I said. What about you?!”

He didn’t reply.

I had another victory with this conversation as compared to previous ones where he used to bash me. I didn’t take it. I said to him that his language is despicable. I have a lot to say but I don’t think it’s nice. We can talk, we can discuss things but pointing fingers is not the way to do it. I told him I believe we have potential for our relationship and if he would like we can discuss it with a professional.

He fell asleep promptly after that. This morning, he’s talking about $100 cash he has for me. He’s a bitter, sad person. Something is up with him. I think I will fill up pill boxes with Vitamin B and C and Calcium… stuff to calm his nervous system.

 

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