Praise and Pleasure 

• What is my husband’s biggest need?

• What is my biggest need?

HE needs to feel valued and praised, respected and powerful. SHE needs to feel valued and loved, cherished and treasured. On this page I will list my daily praise (for HIM) and my daily pleasure (for HER).

I am committed to helping myself get what I need. I have waited around too long for my needs to be magically fulfilled. It’s my turn to try for myself. I need a man who respects himself and respects others. I need to feel loved and treasured. One way to show respect and to build self-esteem is via giving sincere compliments and praise. One way to create a feeling of being cherished and loved is via filling up the love-tank with small acts of self-care and nurturing. I will keep adding to the list as I consciously take care of my needs.

I need a happy husband, too…. You get it….

  • Praise: “You are so persistent and I see results. I don’t know how many people can be as persistent as you.” Pleasure: I spent quality time with my daughter (brainstorming business ideas) and with my son (playing bean bag toss). I took a 10 minute nap on the couch to refresh.
  • Praise: “My mother asked me how you’re doing and I told her that you’re doing very well.” He replied – I just produced a great worksheet for my students. Pleasure: Besides enjoying the outdoors with my daughter, today I have kept Charlie Brown and friends near me today and they have kept me great company.
  • Praise: “I am happy that you think in advance. This way you don’t do things last minute. It’s great.” Pleasure: I sat down on the sofa with a tall drink and ice in middle of a busy day with the intention of serving and nurturing myself. I called my sister to check in.
  • Praise: “If all we had to eat was Dad’s avocado salad and homemade mayonnaise, that would be enough for us. It is so delicious. ” Pleasure: I took care of much needed  personal grooming that was long overdue.
  • Praise: “I really like that.” (I have no recollection what it was I liked, but it definitely was about him!) Pleasure: I took time for comedic pleasure this evening.
  • Praise: “I appreciate that you are in touch every day with our son. He needs to be accountable and you are giving him the opportunity.” Pleasure: I took a solo trip to the mall (unless you count the mochachino that kept me company).
  • Praise: “You have helped many people today.” Pleasure: I sat down with a peppermint tea and yum biscotti – plus favorite music – for ten whole minutes before preparing dinner.
  • Praise: “You are a very good son.” Pleasure: I set aside time for myself to watch some comedy and got in some good laughs. I sang myself a song dedicated to me, composed by me called “Friends With Me”.
  • Praise: “You have paid the bills faithfully month after month on time and that is tremendous. You are devoted and responsible and I appreciate that.” Pleasure: I chose two decorative items for my kitchen to open my heart and make me happy.
  • Praise: “You gave our son a good time tonight.” Pleasure: I made myself a tall hot cocoa and took myself to a quiet corner to enjoy it.
  • Praise: “You are an excellent shopper.” Pleasure: Took a short nap for refreshing and clearing the mind.
  • Praise: “I love the deck you designed. Ours is the nicest one in town.” Pleasure: Created a playlist of my favorite music and it kept me going while I prepared dinner.
  • Praise: “Congratulations on finishing your project. May you keep being successful.” (I think it counts as indirect praise.) Pleasure: I wrote a blog post that brought me joy!
  • Praise: “You have such good friends. They are so special.” Pleasure: Made myself a coffee and drank it together with two delicious short stories written by a favorite author.
  • Praise: “Did you know how popular you are? ” Pleasure: I spent 2 hours of quality leisure time with my children.
  • Praise: “I am so happy that you had the foresight not to go to the bank when the line was so long on such a busy day.” Pleasure: I had tea time with my daughter and enjoyed looking at the beautiful art of Caroline of Made Vibrant.
  • Praise: “He said that you contribute so much to the school. ” Pleasure: I took myself to bed early and contemplated Twisted Pleasures.
  • Praise: “I really like your new suit.” Pleasure: I stopped for a coffee break and reached out for support before contending with housekeeping.
  • Praise: “You have carried so much of the burden for your family.” Pleasure: I put my phone on DND and took care of my needs.
  • Praise: “You really are booked up with appointments – working so hard!” Pleasure: I took time off for myself and attended a writing group in my neighborhood! Good for me!
  • Praise: “You care about Eli as a family member and would do anything for him.” Pleasure: I took myself up to my room and answered emails in a calm and relaxed manner.  And it was not after midnight! Good for me!
  • Praise: “That was a very cute story you told my parents.” Pleasure: I watched a classic Disney movie for the first time.
  • Praise: “I don’t know how you juggle so many things in one day.  ” Pleasure: I went to a yoga class for the first time in my life and enjoyed it.
  • Praise: It’s been very hard for me to consciously praise him recently. I don’t know why.  Perhaps I am afraid it will hurt me in some way. Perhaps he has been more self-sufficient recently that I forget he needs it. He hasn’t been hanging on me like a two year old with his complaints. Or simply- it may be that my work hours out of the house expanded and I just don’t see him enough (? ! what does THAT mean?) Pleasure: I took myself shopping from clothes on the day I said I would.

See this post for a postscript on how the Praise and Pleasure experiment went and what my next marriage experiment is!