So, it’s been rough. And it’s been better recently. Hubby is learning to read his own reactions (many times). He is learning to wait before reacting. He is learning to look back and think if he could have responded better. Yeah! It’s true.
He didn’t go for therapy and we never had a direct conversation about what can use improvement (on his part, of course!). He is slowly, ever so slowly returning to some kind of peaceful place that I never knew existed inside of him.
The other day we were rushing to prepare for guests who were due to arrive in a few hours. I asked my husband if he can do a task that he usually does not mind doing. I fully expected him to say Sure! and dutifully oblige. He mostly acts out of duty, not feeling. Yet, this time he responded that he really is feeling lazy and would rather do it later. For me this was a tremendous breakthrough. He has always seemed like a robot to me when performing acts of kindness or even obligations. Here, he was showing a human side. How refreshing!
I am still really lonely and haven’t found in me a fountain of love for him. However, I know that there is enough magic behind me to warrant magic ahead of me. And I love magic.
(And mentalism.)